Posted: June 7, 2015 in Musings

It has been such a long time since I have posted. . . . I guess there has just been nothing new to report. I’m still pulling. It hasn’t gotten better, but then again it has not gotten worse either. I have tried everything I can afford and that I can think of and nothing seems to help.

I had something crazy happen to me on Friday. It’s Sunday now and I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I couldn’t sleep last night and I have barely eaten today because I am so consumed with this. I am at a loss and am in need of some advice.

I have worked at my current place of employment for ten years. During that ten years my job duties have evolved to filling in for another person there whose work is very time sensitive. Because I am the only there who is cross trained to do her job, I am required to fill in when she goes on vacation, calls in sick, etc. She, nor anyone else, is trained to do my job. When I come back it is there waiting for me. I am the online editor at a newspaper, and I manage 7+ websites, social media, contests, breaking news, etc.

She takes every holiday week off. We get paid holidays, so by taking every holiday week off she earns an extra week of vacation. Because she is gone during holidays I can’t take those times off. She comes to work a half hour late every day, then goes for an hour walk. She takes an hour and a half lunch. When our boss goes on vacation she always goes home several hours early. She is extremely rude to customers and other employees.

She goes home sick four to five times a month. She will show up to work and work for a bit and then make up something on why she has to go home. These are some of her ACTUAL EXCUSES: My foot hurts. I sneezed and hurt my back. I’m out of sorts. I’m tired.” That last one is my favorite. Her job requires little more than typing and forwarding emails. She does not have any kids, she just goes home and sleeps. She has told me that herself.

A couple of years ago I needed July 4th off for an important family event. I asked her if she would please trade me vacation days, and she looked me dead in the eye and said, “I won’t change my vacation for any one.”

She has blamed her mistakes on me more than once, several times right in front of me. I have talked to my boss about all of this and he has done NOTHING.

I am very patient, but there have been a few times that I have told her to stop treating me like shit.

Memorial Day week she was off, of course, and so was some one else, so I was doing two jobs plus my own. This last Sunday night my youngest child was sick, he was up quite a bit during the night throwing up, so I stayed home with him Monday.  Thursday night a big thunderstorm came through at about 3 a.m. and woke everybody up, including my little boy, who is scared of thunder.

Friday morning I am dead tired and she comes in and says, “Ok, this is the plan. The storm kept me up last night and I am really tired so I am going home.”

I lost it. She knows she can go home sick any time she wants because I have to do her job. I looked at her and said, “really?! You’re tired?! If I went home every time I was tired I would never be here!” Then she got really mad and demanded an immediate meeting with the head honcho of the company. I agreed it was time for a meeting. I was finally going to stop being intimidated by her and tell him what was going on.

So we go in the office and shut the door, and she says, “I’m trying to take time off and she is getting all bent out of shape about it!” And I told him that calls in sick and takes time off all the time and coming in late and etc. and etc. I was obviously upset. She looked at him and said, “Obviously she has problems.” Then she said I was manipulative. Well, that made me even more mad. How dare she attack me after every thing I have done for her! And I started to try to defend myself, honestly I can’t even remember what was said. And the boss pointed at me and said, “Jenny, you’re starting to make me mad.” And he raised his voice and said, “She can take sick time any time she wants!” And I told him that I was not disputing that, but that she has no right to abuse me the way she does by going home because her toe hurts or what ever and leaving me to do her work.

Then he looks at her and very calmly tells her that she can go home when ever she wants. “You’re right,” he said. And she smile a smug little smile and said “Thank you!” and gave me a nice little “Gotcha” look before walking out of the office. She shut the door and I stayed. Then my boss told me, “You’re being insubordinent and that can cost you your job!”

WHAT?! What the hell did I do?! I told him that I was just trying to defend myself and that I was tired of the way she treated me and why he allowed it to continue .  . . told him about this before, briefly. And he said there was nothing he could do about it. He said I needed to talk to my boss, but my boss is on vacation and will be for another week.

He then told me that one of us had to move. Our desks are right next to each other. He said he would tell her to move. I told him that she would not be willing to move, and told him the story about what she said to me when I asked her to trade vacation days. When I said that he yelled, yes, yelled, “I can do any fucking thing I want!”

At that point I just shut my mouth. It was obvious that I had lost. Nothing else I could say would matter. He kept telling me why I was wrong and there was nothing he could do and I just nodded.

But then I burst into tears. Weak, cowardly, I know. I’m a big baby tattle tale aren’t I? Yep, just like she said, “I have problems.” You may think there is more to this story, that I have to be leaving something out, but really, that’s it. That’s what went down.

I cried off and on all day. I know, I am a big baby aren’t I? I’m such a manipulative bitch.

I’m not a hugger, but I hugged a lot of people Friday. I did not sleep last night and I have not been able to eat much all weekend. It is Sunday night and I have to go to work tomorrow, and the thought is making me literally sick.

I’m stunned. I’m shocked. What did I do wrong? Can some one please tell me what I did wrong so I can sleep at night? Please? Am I dumber than I thought I was?

That’s what I get for standing up for myself. Never again. Never. I will let any one walk all over me. Nothing is worse than feeling like this. I feel so defeated, so low. I’m never mean to anyone. In fact it could be said that I give and care too much. And that’s what gets me treated like shit. Super.

Here’s to another sleepless night and endless questions.

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