A wearer of many hats

Posted: January 20, 2015 in Things that help
Tags: , , , , , , ,

There are some cliched sayings that sound different to a person with trichotillomania, namely, “I’m just gonna tear my hair out!” Ya, but what if you really do?

One that is a bit kinder is when we say that a person wears a lot of hats, meaning that they have a lot of jobs or skills.

I wear a lot of hats, but it is not by choice. Honestly, I have always hated hats. But I’ve learned that, living with this disorder means I also can’t live without my hats. I panic if I need to leave the house and can’t find one, and you won’t see me in public without one. Most people I work with have never seen me without a hat on. Just the thought of taking my hat off in public sends me into a panic. It makes my heart race.

That has been fine because it’s winter time, so it’s pretty cold and a lot of people are wearing hats. But I can’t help but wonder what I will do when the weather gets warmer. I feel like I am in a race against time. I want my hair to be long enough and look decent enough to be able to take my hat off. Right now there are just a few stringy spots and some bare patches.

My daily routine has been to put my hat on right before I leave the house and then take it off when I get home. My peak pulling times have been when I am driving and when I am at home at night, the last couple of hours before bed I just go nuts.

Also, I have noticed that when I have my hat on I do not feel the urge to pull. It’s gone. I am not sure why, but I would guess it is because I can’t feel the hairs poking up and out, it does not feel unbalanced and uneven. And if my scalp itches I can scratch it though the hat and not touch my hair, this beginning the pulling.

The last two nights i have tried wearing my hat longer, through the evening until right before bed, and I did not feel the urge to pull. Then I took it off and the pulling was almost instant.

Keeping my hat on has been the single most effective thing so far to keep me from pulling. As long as the weather stays cold I’ll keep it on and hope  that I can finally make some progress. I long to feel my strawberry blonde hair on my back again.

I am determined, I am going to beat this.

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