The decision to blog

Posted: January 1, 2015 in Introduction
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The decision to start this blog was not made overnight. This is the result of many, many months of thought and asking a few good friends for advice. I weighed the pros and cons, let myself “sleep on it” and refused to allow myself to think about it too much on my “bad days.” Ultimately, the decision to write about and make public an issue that is deeply personal to me was made with the knowledge that this, these words may help someone else.

I’ve had Trichotillomania (TTM) since I was about 13, it took hold when I was in 7th grade. More on that later. I’ve been writing since I knew how to use a pencil to make letters. I took every writing class and read every book about writing
I could up through college. In fact, I minored in writing. One of the simplest and yet most important thing a good writing teacher teaches his or her students is to write what you know. Otherwise your words will sound contrived, fake, forced.

I know about TTM.I know the frustration, the madness that comes with pulling out stands of your hair and not knowing why . . . not realizing you’re doing it until it’s gone. I know the isolation it brings, not knowing what it is, what it is called and not being able to tell anyone about it for fear they’ll laugh or worse — disown you. Then the years of thinking you are the only one who does this. I know about the anger toward yourself, the blame, and the sadness, the overwhelming despair that comes with not being able to just stop doing something that seems illusively simple and easy.

I’m 34 now, and it has only been within the last year that I’ve started to open up about this, to tell people, and to try to “fix” it. I’ve tried on my own to stop doing this for as long as I’ve dealt with it, but this last year I’ve finally felt strong enough mentally and emotionally to deal with this with professionals, to talk to professionals and to try medication. Maybe part of it is the disparity — I’m so desperate to stop, to be “normal.”

My blogging about it is an extension of my need to heal from this.

There are a few, both friends and family, who would accuse me of doing this for attention. That could not be further from the truth. Anyone who knows me well knows that I loathe attention. I am painfully shy and go to lengths to avoid crowds and confrontation. If you are one of those people who believes this is for attention, or that myself or anyone who has TTM is making it up to get attention or pity, stop reading now.

Likewise, this is not going to be a “pity” blog. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’ve learned a lot in this last year, and one of the most important lessons is that this is not my fault. If you are also dealing with this, the first thing you need to know is this is not your fault. You did not choose this. This chose us, for what ever reason(s). We should not be judged by the fact that we pull strands of hair out , but how we choose to deal with it and react to it.  You’re stronger than you know, and the TTM journey proves it.

The second thing you need you now is that you’re not alone in this. This is more common than you think. Please don’t allow yourself to believe you are alone. I went far too many years thinking I was alone, and no one should have to live like that, it dulls your soul.

My goals with this are, in addition to letting others who have this know they’re not alone , to provide resources, tips, and any advice I can . I’m not a doctor, of course, and this is no substitute for medical advice, but I’ve found that one of the most helpful things is just having someone to talk to.

Welcome, it’s nice to meet you. Let’s get through this together.

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Comments
  1. tisfortrich says:

    I needed to see this today.. I know this post is a year old, but I found you from searching for others blogging about their TTM journey

    Like

  2. remblitzin says:

    tisfortrich, I’m glad this entry was beneficial to you . . . I started this blog because I spent far too many years alone thinking I was the only one who dealt with Trich and I don’t want any one else to feel alone. We’re out there! 🙂

    Like

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